Today, was the very first time that he broke my heart. I can say that it was partly my fault, but I can rest assure that there is no one to blame. He broke my heart not by third party, or lying to me, but because he asked for distance. "Cool off", if that's how you call it. Well, of course, even if it was just that, and not a total break up, it still hurts for me. I was in tears when he was talking to me, and I was in tears because I never thought I'd hear those words from him. What got me in pain was him saying, "hindi na ko masaya, ewan ko.." It struck me for a while, and got me thinking that maybe one day, this relationship will end to a break up, and the 3 years, well in 25 days, will pop like a bubble. And then I was quiet the whole time.
That happened in the bus, on the way to San Juan Arena because we were going to watch the NCAA Cheerdance Competition.
Then, we watched the Competition of course. I was then careful of my moves. I even asked him of his terms, because he was the one who asked for it. He said that I should not call him anymore, and just keep distance. I said okay, so I barely talked to him, and we didn't want others to notice. We were with a friend and my sister, so act like nothing is wrong. I was even joking around with him, so he questioned me why I wasn't taking it seriously. I then explained that I didn't want to think of it, I want to enjoy, I want to be relaxed, after the busy semester. I was even in tears when it all sank to me of what was really happening with us. I didn't mean to make him feel guilty that he was hurting me, but I just couldn't hold the tears. After then the competition, we talked, the uninterrupted talk. I can say we were okay, I explained my side, and he explained his. I was sorry, and he removed the distance. I even told him of my thoughts when he said those words to me, yet he assured the he'd never leave me. Then, I feel relieved.
I'm just so happy with our relationship. Although we were hurting, of course the love will still overflow. I'm happy of our relationship that we're not afraid to talk about how we really feel, whether we are mad at each other or simply just being weird. I love also how one corresponds with the other, when one talks, the other will listen carefully. And change what has to be changed.